Ootlin by Jenni Fagan - Book Review
Ootlin by Jenni Fagan is a memoir about being born into the care system in Scotland, with 29 different placements under four different names in just 16 years. Displaced and failed throughout her young life, this book is Jenni taking back her story.
Memoir
Early on, Jenni tells us that she began writing this memoir as a suicide note. But she realised in the writing of it that she hadn't done enough living ( 'shining' as she describes it). And the one thing that you so desperately wanted for her, after reading this book, was for her to thrive.
The 'Ootlin' of the title is a Scottish word for an outsider, someone who doesn't belong. And that's a sense you get from the startling opening section, where her mother delivers her in a psychiatric hospital, so she is the property of the state even before she leaves the womb.
Story
You don’t enjoy books like this, as it’s not entertainment - when the subject matter encompasses abuse, neglect, and a suicide attempt, that would be the wrong word. But after struggling a little with the opening section, I quickly found myself just being totally swept away by the telling of the story. It's sad and heartbreaking, but also incredibly powerful and I couldn't put it down. I read this in three quick gulps.
‘Ootlin’ will put you through the wringer, and anger was a predominant emotion for me throughout, and disgust at how a child could be treated. But there's admiration there too, at the resilience and fortitude that she displays - Jenni has a spark that makes you root for her, wanting desperately for her to find support.
It's astounding that Jenni is not broken by what happens to her, that she manages to keep going 'in spite' of the system. There are some truly evil people in this book, especially one foster mother in particular who subjects a child to the most depraved cruelty. Some of these people shouldn't be put in charge of a goldfish.
Because nobody asks - 'neither social worker, teacher, foster parent, police, doctor....nobody has ever asked 'what happened to you...who hurt you...what can we do for you?' But as she says herself, they might be afraid of what her answer may be, that they might have to do something about it.
Lyricism
There's such lyricism to her descriptions. There are some beautiful, breathless passages - a night before a court appearance is memorably frantic. The difficult passages, of which there are a few, are so powerfully described. The descriptions of the places she finds herself, including various homes, tower blocks, caravans and mobile homes, are extremely vivid and authentic. Her writing is so punchy, dynamic, and able to pull you straight into her world. Her love of words is referred to a few times in the book, at times providing her only escape.
'words are the only thing that has always traveled with me, that I can turn to no matter what and be just who I am, and when I feel like I am fragmenting and have no clue who I am - I look at my words to find a part of me, and somehow it helps me come back to myself.'
and later
'words are a lighthouse. No good story turns a child away, ever.'
There's a realness to ‘Ootlin’ that I haven't encountered in a while, and I found it hard to just pick up a fictional book straight after this; it just felt pale and anemic in comparison. There are parts that are painful and incredibly hard to read, and they jolted me, but you have to - you can’t look away. This is her story, not the one told by the authorities before she was moved yet again.
There are good people along the way, friends and occasionally foster parents, well-meaning people. 'Being humane is the highest form of intelligence. It is the surest proof of a soul.’
Summary
It may have started as a suicide note, but for Jenni Fagan, the writing of the book becomes a way for her to reclaim herself from 'the stories put upon me, that were often very little to do with me.' She has certainly done that, with this visceral and essential book, one of the most powerful I’ve read in some time.
'I am still here and I care more than ever...I am angrier than I have ever been, and I admire every person who takes a stand in small ways, in huge ways, without applause. It is not meaningless; we are the story – all of us – for as long as we are still here.'
Thanks to Penguin Random House and Netgalley for the Advanced Reader Copy.
323 pages
Ootlin by Jenni Fagan
August 24, 2024 by Penguin Random House